The Emotion Train

A prominent Senator was giving a press conference about a controversial subject and he started to choke up and cry.  Others blamed him for ‘faking’ it.  Politicians, especially well known ones must have raw hide for skin otherwise they wouldn’t have made it this far.  As my co worker once said, ‘A politician is someone who lacks the gene for shame.’   I wondered whether he was genuine, dishonest and how could one tell. 

                There are two kinds of truly genuine emotion.  The first is direct cause and effect emotion.  You yell at a child and they cry or someone loses a loved one and they react with anger, shock, or sadness.  The second kind of emotion is one that’s based off of real events but is spontaneous in nature.  It might happen at a random or inopportune time.  It catches people off guard, especially those who experience it.  My grandfather went through a long physical and mental decline towards the end of his life. My mother was burdened with making many of the preparations for him.  Eventually he died, we went to two separate wakes including one with a priest.  Then we headed out to the burial.  He fought in WWII so he was buried at a national cemetery.  The two young marines marched in front of the casket, said a few words, did a salute and carefully folded a flag.  It wasn’t until we were leaving, my mother and I, that the funeral director came up with a comment about the flowers that didn’t arrive.  I was annoyed at his poor timing but was holding back saying anything out of not wanting to upset my mother.  She then said, ‘I miss him so much,’ and started crying.  It was a perfectly justifiable reaction but only at the end after everything was done. 

                There are a number of disingenuous emotions, I will attempt to go from somewhat understandable to completely outrageous.  When someone suspects another of faking a good cry they might say they put onions in their eyes but it’s more devious than that.  People work themselves up to a strong emotion.  A husband comes home late from work.  The wife’s first question is perfectly reasonable, “Why are you late?”  Before he can even answer or maybe he does answer and she doesn’t listen comes the following.  “You’re always late.”  “I’m always alone.”  “Then you’re tired and you don’t want to talk.”  “You sleep on the couch.”  “I have to eat dinner alone.”  “Last night…”  Then come the water works.  In defense, this scenario which plays out very often is probably subconscious.  She worked herself up like a train slow at first and then gaining momentum until she was at full steam.  It’s a real problem but the pattern is predictable and repeatable.  Or a man who is angry about something.  He catches another (smaller) guy looking in his direction.  “Are you looking at something?”  “You want to take a picture?”  “Are you checking out my girl?”  “You think she’s hot?”  “Huh?”  “What’s Up?”  Bam!  Fight.  It was totally unnecessary.  Even if these events happen at a subconscious level they can be avoided if the person was willing to be aware of it. 

                The next step down the road is a person who purposely works themselves up. People don’t fight with logic.  Logic is completely useless in a debate or argument.  They use emotion but the emotion has to have a logical start and climax, like a movie.  I find that women have more tools in their emotional toolbox. They can be charming, they can be angry, they can cry, they can pout (aka silent treatment) or they can be elusive.  Men can be charming and they can be angry.  Men that cry are usually like that Senator where no one believes them except in perhaps very limited circumstances. 

                Actors also bring on emotion but they use a technique known as channeling.  They don’t work themselves up in a situation with real consequence.  They think about a time in their life when they felt the emotion they want to employ while they act out another scene.  This is why actors who have some brains make excellent politicians. 

                Finally, there are those chosen few that can literally turn the emotion on in a blink.  It’s like they take the train but instead of a train it’s a rocket that just fires off or they channel in a flash.  They use it like a weapon. 

                So, how to tell if someone is faking it?  For one the emotion is convenient.  It’s at an opportune time.  Or it’s repeated, again and again.  It’s directed only at one person in one situation.  These are the calling cards of a faked emotion.  The more calling cards, the more accurate the prediction.  You can’t call someone out for it though, that might bring real anger.  The first thing you have to do is not do the dance.  They get angry, you get angry, then you walk away or make up.  Don’t play the game unless you want to.